Flawed? I like to call it flexible.

I know that I have a lot of flaws. Number one on my list is that I'm not a very organized person or great at managing my time. I think I've even mentioned that here. Anyone who has talked to me in person will hear me joke about how I can be lazy, that I will blog at 2:35pm instead of folding laundry or mowing my lawn. This choice is my coping mechanism. I will be so stressed out, so I blog for a couple hours or look at pictures or shoot the breeze with friends or neighbors, so I don't explode, then I still accomplish most of the things I set out to do that day.

This is not to be confused with, me not getting things done or being truely lazy. I have an inherently busy life. I stay at home with 2 children, I have 5 rental properties, manage for 2 other properties, 74 tenants total, Dan works a lot, and has started traveling frequently again. Over the last five years my world has been crazy: getting married, having a honeymoon baby, finishing college, starting work with a young child and still going to school, Dan traveling, being in the Relief Society presidency for three of those years, Dan and various business partners starting 3 different businesses, other than the marketing company they were already running (car co. & garbage co & apartments), moving to Kentucky for 3 months and Indiana for 2 months (Dan was there longer). Also, I started doing photography this last year, although that added to the chaos, it was also a saving grace for me.

If graduating with a degree in Economics with an emphasis in Political Science, keeping our properties 100% full (where the norm is 95% or less) and our tenants happy (they like our company and I find great satisfaction in not being the crappy landlord), bearing two children and running the whole household when Dan is out of town, starting my own business and paying off my equipment within the first two months of having it, all by the age of 26, doesn't say that I know how to get things done. Then I don't know what does.

I realize I do things haphazardly sometimes, starting a project and not finishing it until days or weeks later. Having piles of unfolded laundry in my basement or dishes in the sink for 8 hours. In spite of this, I have learned how to not procrastinate on the important things. When it comes to my children I pay more attention to them and I don't get mad nearly as much as I used to. And the rentals? I get things done within a short period of time of within coming to my attention. I have improved so much in the last five years at tenant-manager relations. I have learned to not do everything by myself. I have learned how not to get walked on. I have learned to be nice but still get what the business needs to make it profitable (or to get us to the 30 year mark at least). Most of these I have learned the hard way. Although I hated the rentals at first. I actually feel like they have been a good growing experience for me and helped me get over a large amount of procrastination.

I do work hard. I have a lot on my plate. I want to apologize but I can't quite bring myself to apologize for not being the fastest or most organized person on the block. I can't bring myself to say, "I am so sorry for not being able to learn to stay on task, on top of the 5 other things going on in my life right now". I know many people are critical of me. I know that a lot of people (there are specific names) who do have it all together with controlled lives are going to read this and say: "she is just making excuses". I know that many people are probably not going to be able to see or understand my efforts. But I am going to stick up for myself.

Being flexible (aka unorganized) is a way I have been my whole life and didn't even have the desire to change until about a year ago.

Infact, I think that being flexible and not being so scheduled is a great trait.
I don't wait for my "schedule" to say, you can do this right now. Because the time I had alloted for something specific is easily filled by outside variables that: (here's the kicker for schedulers and people with simple lives) I CAN'T CONTROL. It is not possible to control EVERYTHING in my life. Like some people have told me I should control my life better.
In fact, I think there are very few big things in life that can be controlled. I'm not saying throw your hands up and don't do anything. I am saying that being flexible isn't always a bad thing or something to turn your nose up at.

**I want to be clear that I don't blame others for my situation or my flaws. I own up to them. I am well aware of my many many flaws not listed here. I don't need them pointed out to me.
***I know I mentioned Dan traveling a few times, but I don't blame him for my struggles. I signed up for it, I knew that he was going to travel from the beginning of our relationship. I mentioned it because it is a part of my life. It is truth and that is that. Nothing more.