Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Humility

I know I have not blogged in a year and I have a thousand things to catch up on; but I had to take this opportunity to express my gratitude and preserve my feelings right now.  I have been feeling so blessed lately for all of the things the Lord has given to me and to my family.  I do not know why I have such a blessed and cushy life.  I don't know why I have so much love and not one thing in the world to complain about.  I know that God loves me and knows my struggles and cares about my struggles.  I look at the world around me and I see people suffering mercilessly and people who have never had the luxuries I have and it feels me with confusion.  But I feel like the least I can do is feel gratitude.  My parents are in Africa on an LDS mission. My Dad wrote and told me that the young missionaries wash their clothes by hand in the bathtub and their hands bleed from the wear.  I have a beautiful front loading washer and dryer, they get all of my stains out.  I have a ton of laundry, which means that my children have so many clothes to wear and choose from.  They are clean and warm and fit well.  I have a washer and dryer that can wash our many many blankets.  Blankets that we have used for backyard picnics and laying out in the sun after running through the sprinklers.  I have five bathrooms and every single faucet produces clean water that is the temperature I desire, seconds after turning it on.  I don't have to walk miles barefoot each day to get some sketchy water to wash my clothes and try to satisfy my thirst without fear of the water making me sick.

My children have a loving father, who provides for them and is there to give them hugs and teach them skills. I survived birthing an 11 lb 7 oz baby boy, natural and at home.  I had no complications during the birth, I survived. So many women do not and their children are left motherless.  My son had an illness and I had the luxury of going to a hospital and having him treated and he survived.  Now he is the happiest and sweetest baby in the whole world.  I have plenty of healthy fruits and vegetables that I can buy at the store.  They keep me healthy and I am able to provide milk for my son.  Every time I feed him, I am grateful that I have food to eat and in turn that makes it possible for me to give sustenance to him.  There are many women in the world who are starving and they cannot produce milk for their babies because they do not have enough food for themselves.  Even though nursing my baby hurts like hell, I am thankful every time I see my chubby boy smile and feel happy because he has a full stomach.

I have heard so many sad stories lately of children not having parents and people not having the basics in life.  It seems trite to give thanks for blankets and food and water and a warm house.   But the more I hear, the more I realize that these are things that many people in the world do not have at all.  I am teary eyed thinking of how I have taken these things for granted and how much of a luxury they are.  After talking with my 7 and 5 year old girls about this, my girls promptly said, "You know those people who don't have clothes and food?  We should give them some.  And they should stay at our house."  Oh if it were only that easy, to give all the world's people clothes and food, I surely would.

Which begs the question for me.  Why is my life so blessed?  Why, Lord?  I am feeling so humbled that things in my life have turned out so well and are going so well.  The things I have thought were huge trials and were very difficult to me up to this point just don't seem so hard now.  Not to diminish what I have been through, but I realize how I would take my trials any day over the suffering of others I have seen.  I wish I could pray a blanket prayer to cover all of the people who are grieving and give them peace.

I am so grateful for a husband who has a very quick mind and for a spirit and drive that puts his ideas to work.  He never lets a good idea go to waste and he is constantly laboring.  I love that he is able to provide for us.  I am grateful that the Lord has given him this gift.

I am grateful that my girls have found a friend.  I am grateful that they can play safely outside and that they are healthy.  Oh how I have taken that for granted before!  To have healthy children is an unbelievable blessing.  To not worry about how many more moments I will have with them.  I can cherish them without gloom and foreshadowing.

I can count a hundred other ways that I have been blessed.  This is such a simplistic statement and I wish I was more elegant and could say it in a way that would convey my conviction and the deepness of my emotions.  If you could feel how earnestly I feel loved and blessed. As if my gratitude could some how make others suffering be not in vain.  I have heard cries of others saying, "I wish I realized how good I had it"  after some tragic event had happened to them.

I don't want to say that.  I want to realize how good I have it now and express it.  And then when things get hard again, I can remember all of the ways I am blessed.

I pray and give thanks and I pray  for those with trials much bigger than mine that they can feel peace and love.


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